Chit chattin with my ladies recently...and being gals, we started talking about boys (Of Course!). It wasn't a bitch-fest or anything...just a discussion. Some have boyfriends, some are single and lovin' it, some are single and frustrated. If you're a guy, you're probably wondering what we talk about with our gal pals behind closed doors....Well, it is your lucky day. I'll fill you in a little...
First of all, I'd like to let you know that our conversations are pretty fair. If one of our girls are being too sensitive or a bit much...we let them know. Trust me! I don't know if it's like this with all girls, but we don't just bitch and bitch and bitch about our guys...In fact, we like to say how awesome you are more than anything! BUT...yes, we will talk about when our guys are being huge bitches. No worries though, we admit when we're being huge bitches too.
For example, one girl was saying that her boyfriend needs to do things on his time. I guess he has a little trouble taking the relationship to newer, higher levels. This made her feel completely insecure, and she would pressure him to take the next step. Then she said, one day she had an epiphany! If she continues with this pressure, it'll only push him away, and take them further from stepping things up. Therefore, she told herself to accept this about him, have patience, and take comfort in the fact that yes, he does love her...this is just the way he rolls. So, she made some notes to herself and actually wrote them down: Chill out, remember that he loves her, and believe him when he says "someday". She reads this when she starts to feel insecure...great idea! Not everyone works on the same time line in life.
Collectively, us ladies then realized that sometimes we are a little too hard on our men. Some of the single ladies realized that maybe if they were more accepting, and chilled out on attacking their ex-bf (in hopes to make him as close to perfect as possible), perhaps they'd be together and happy right now.
So guys, it looks like there are girls out there who can see things from your perspective! YAY! There's hope!
But, this doesn't mean that you get to do everything your way either, fellas. So, don't think you shouldn't take a step back, make compromises, and try to understand your woman's ways and needs. She can't be the only understanding one who makes the compromises.
So, my next point...what if the gal is making all of the compromises? What if she is the only one in the relationship who takes a step back to assess the situation or problem in a relationship? What if she is the only one who puts in the effort to understand and accept "the other half's" feelings and ways?
Example number 2... a friend spoke to me about her boyfriend being very needy in the sex department. He always wants to try new things...things that she normally wouldn't even consider doing. Lucky for him though, she has become very open-minded and is willing to give it all a try. This is her way of compromising and making adjustments because she knows it is what will make him happy. HOWEVER, she's realizing that the relationship is starting to revolve around sex, and the emotion is not there. ***I'm going to add a note: Yes, girls need emotion. Not because we are needy or because we are born with an emotion magnet. It is just necessary if you want a mature relationship. It's science!!! Good sexual chemistry + Good emotional chemistry = Good relationship. :) Back to the story. She mentions this to her lover, and he says he will try (after taking back his first response, which was something like, "if that's what you want, then look elsewhere!")...and proceeds to tell her not to have high expectations. Ummm.....that raised an eyebrow on my end to say the least, because it doesn't seem like he wants to really punch in a little extra effort. Which leaves me to question how much he really cares about her as his girlfriend? And last, I wonder if this guy is capable to have a relationship that is more grown-up than the high school mentality...?
I have come to realize that it is so easy to take a breather and just give yourself a chance to care. To care enough to WANT to understand and appreciate what your significant other is needing from you. It is also very easy to accept where you may be fucking up in the relationship, and make some changes within. Have you ever met someone who is PERFECT? (If you say yes, you have very low standards...trust me). Chances are, you haven't met a perfect human being...which means that they don't exist, and therefore you're not perfect either. There is always room for improvement, so don't just expect your bf/gf to do all the changing.
I think we all need to be a little more considerate. I think that accepting our own faults instead of defending them, could not only help your relationship grow, but could help you grow as an individual (and maybe even become happier with who you are). My Mom always told me, "There is no shame in saying that you're sorry, or wrong." With this in mind, don't be the only one to say that you're sorry or wrong either. That just means you're either a huge ass and don't have the mental capacity to be in a real relationship, OR you are the only one who is able to accept your own faults (you're never wrong all the time - maybe the blame is just being thrown at you). You can only give so much to someone, for so long, without getting something in return.
I believe that the real problem is that we, as humans, have trouble seeing things from another persons perspective. We are born self-centered. Naturally, we only feel what we feel, and in turn we forget that other people feel too. Let's put in an effort to change that, and I can almost guarantee that things will start lookin' up!
