I have a true story to share with you all. This story takes place on a Saturday night at a neighbours house.
On this night, I opened my big mouth with an opinion, to an 'elder'!? UH OHHHH! The outcome of our clashing opinions really got me thinking...I'll explain how everything went, and I would love to receive some feedback from my readers. Here I go:
Frank (not his real name) was explaining how pissed off he was when he brought home take-out KFC to his family and the food was not fully cooked. Umm, yeah, I think we'd all be super pissed about that. This is where the debate/argument/clashing of opinions started. Frank, 40ish in age, was sharing with a table of adults, 35+ in age...and myself (soon to be 21...On December 6th, just to let you all know, aha!) how he reacted when he returned to KFC with his uncooked food. In my eyes, as someone who works at a restaurant/bar; his reaction was a little over the top and belittling, I guess we could say. My response to his blow-up in the fast-food restaurant, was simply that maybe he should be careful with how he deals with people and that it is possible to get your point across without making a huge scene. Well, let's just say that shit starting rolling downhill from there. Frank, I believe, doesn't enjoy getting advice on life from a 'child'. He started avoiding all eye contact with me, and completely stopped talking to me. Then, most of "my elders" at the table kind of turned on me when I stated that, "Most kids these days don't have the same values as kids in generations before...", in response to another comment made by Frank. Bad move, Parrott.
In turn, everyone, A.K.A. 'my elders' at the table said "MY kids have the same values...", "You're digging yourself a hole!", etc. ANNND scene!...because I shut up, waited 5 minutes for a new conversation to get started, got up, said take care and good night, and awkwardly walked my 9 year old ass out of the house.
This is where I started questioning myself in that situation. Was I wrong to voice my opinion? Was I being disrespectful, by telling 'an elder' that his way of treating another human being was inappropriate? And lastly, how old is a person when ageism backs off, and his/her opinion is just as important as someone who would be considered 'an elder'?
I know I haven't experienced life to the extent that Frank did. But, give me a fucking break! I didn't live in a protected hole my whole life either. I have worked since I was 11, dealt with all the shit that goes along with separation and reconciliation on numerous occasions, lived on my own, payed my own bills, realized that money doesn't grow on trees and dishes don't do themselves, and now I am in college trying to determine a portion of what my future holds. Frank and elders, I would appreciate a little more credit. I am not an idiot. Just because I haven't had children, got married/divorced/remarried, bought a house or made as many mistakes as you have at this point; does not mean that I haven't taken something from my own experiences, enabling me to form a valid opinion. Don't make me feel like I'm out of line for having a voice.
I am going to conclude this post now, but first I would like remind my elders that everyone has an elder...and the lady who lived to be 122 did not rule the world because she lived the longest, and therefore must know all.
Take Care!!!
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5 comments:
Let me guess... there was alcohol involved, right? :)
You don't explain how the conversation went from talking about half-cooked chicken to you making the generalization that kids values today are different than years ago. That's quite a jump.
On the issue of over-reacting in a complaint to someone in the food industry... I agree with you. There's no need to go nuts. Years ago, I went into Burger King for a couple of Whoppers. When I got home, the meat was red. I returned, got two more Whoppers and when I got home and bit it, those were also undercooked. Well, I wasn't pleased. I went back AGAIN. This time, I asked for a manager and told her that I wanted the burgers replaced AND I wanted my money back. She went back, personally cooked the burgers and returned with the bag of food. I stood there. She said, "Is there anything else?" I said, "Yes, I want my money back." She said, "But sir, I can guarantee you these burgers are cookeed, I made them personally." It was starting to get busy in the place. I leaned in so only she could hear. "This is my third trip back to this store for the same meal. Returning once... sure anyone can make a mistake. Returning twice is unacceptable. I'm not going to cause a scene or make a lot of noise. But I either want my burgers AND my money back, or you can just give me my money back and I'll go across the street to buy my meal."
She passed me my money.
Now, on the values thing... On what basis can you state kids these days have different values than kids years ago? By different, how? For better? Or for worse? All these details are left out of your story... also, how did you present your views? How was it related to "Frank's" reaction to the chicken? (You may have put him on the defensive.)
You should not have been made to feel uncomfortable for expressing your opinion. You should also accept that others may have a differing opinion. The elders should have put more effort into drawing you in to a mutually respectful conversation. They should never use a tone that implies that you are wrong because you are not as worldly wise as they are. (Even if that is true...)
Old habits are hard to break though. You may be viewed as their friends daughter, little Melissa, not as an adult with intelligently formed opinions.
Hi Steve: The values came about when she said that the cook at this restaurant was only working for minimum wage and may have given him back food which he/she may have made with anger, and although this sort of thing was never witness by Melissa, you see alot on TV documentaries about how food in restaurants can be tampered with. Anyway, she said that kids today at her age don't value money (minimum wage) the same as we did at her age.
Deb: that seems contradictory to Melissa's statement that she "lived on my own, payed my own bills, realized that money doesn't grow on trees and dishes don't do themselves". That seems to imply that she DOES understand the value of a hard earned dollar.
Well... I'd have to disagree that kids' values over money has changed. Maybe our kids have different values than us, but that's our own doing. We strive to offer more privilege to our children than we had. Money was harder to come by for us than it is for our kids. Life in general was harder to come by than it is today. For instance, I don't remember my parents EVER going to the corner store for themselves. Even at 7 years old, I was going to the store to pick up milk, bread, cigarettes etc for my parents. Now, I can count on my thumbs the number of times my 16 year old son has gone to the store for me in his lifetime... a five minute stroll down the road.
On second thought, that's not values. That's privilege. Every generation strives to make their kids' lives easier than their own. Generations are different... Did our parents care less about us because they didn't make us wear our seatbelts or force us to wear helmets on our bikes?
Yes, maybe the value of the dollar meant something to her when she out on her own, but now that she is home again, does it matter as much...therefore, it is 'us' the parents that have them that way.
I have a feeling that Melissa is quietly waiting for the subject to change so she can leave the room! :-)
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