I would like to wish my Nan and Pop Parrott AND my Nan and Pop Williams a belated HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!! Both sets of grandparents celebrated their wedding anniversaries this year, and they've been together for about 100 years now, lol! It's so beautiful seeing husband and wife, who have lived the majority of their lives together still love each other as if they were on their honeymoon. I have taken many opportunities to ask them all about their lives together. I've heard about the good days and the bad days...but whatever days they had together, my grandparents got through it and here they all are today, simply in love.
This got me thinking...what the hell is wrong with everyone these days? Here's a question: How many grandparents do you know that have divorced or at least separated? Now, think about how many parents you know that have been divorced or at least separated?
Almost 50% of all marriages these days end in divorce. This dirty old "D" word has evolved into an answer, an easy way out. EASY...DIVORCE? Sounds crazy, I know...but very true. What are we doing wrong? Did the definition of marriage shrink into being just a piece of paper? If my parents generation are having such a difficult time making a marriage work, what will it be like for my generation?
I obviously have many questions, but from what I hear, the obstacles that married couples experience these days are not much different from those in generations before. I believe most people have become lazy. Adultery isn't as jaw dropping and sinful as it definitely should be. Money issues turn the vow "for richer or for poorer" into "for richer or for richer". Rough patches tend to merge a relationship, ever-so-smoothly into a lane leading to a dead end. Where have the values gone? We could all have what my grandparents have today. Now, I am not saying that they are necessarily the "perfect match". However, from what I can see, everything they did go through together, good or bad, has made them appreciate one another so much more, and has moulded them into the loving couples they are today.
Maybe we should all try a little harder to be more like them, so we can end up having what they have....from what I can see "Until death do us part" does not seem all that bad.
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5 comments:
Till death do us part. In other words, till one of us kills the other!
The secret, in my opinion, is finding someone who is your friend. Finding someone you truly, honestly like. "Like" sounds like a weak word, but it's not. It's easy to love someone you dislike. Really.
Also, it's important to always put the other person's needs and wants ahead of yours. This works ONLY when both people have that attitude. Reciprocated selflessness is key.
Otherwise, find someone willing to put up with your shit. :-)
This is a very interesting blog. Like you, I believe it is just too easy to walk away from your responsibilities in life. I agree with Steve that it is about 'selflessness'...but that is not as easy to find in people today...and that 'my dear' is reason enough for young people to stay single until they are 40 years old.
It's so true. This blog is very thought provoking Melissa.
I totally agree with what you're saying about what has become of the fine institution of marriage. And again you were right in saying that it seems to be worsening with each generation. As a woman in my twenties on the verge of my wedding day, I find it mind boggling to watch some other young couples prepare for their weddings with not a mention of marriage. Marriage is not a wedding, marriage is everything after the wedding. Marriage is all the work that goes into learning and growing TOGETHER. I've seen so many couples who are heading down the aisle and they've never spoken about how they want to retire, how they want to raise their kids, how they define marriage and respect,basically they never discuss essentially what they are expecting to get out of and put into a marriage. These couples end up divorced and saying, I don't know him/her anymore....well guess what, I say they didn't know each other in the first place (but they did know their napkin and invitation preferences) Jimmy and my views on marriage are very simple and old fashioned and it is for this reason that Jimmy and I are having a shot gun wedding (ie.short engagement)LOL! We wanted to show the world that its not about the party for us and we're not preoccupied with details like napkins and mints. We're in a rush not because we want to have a wedding but rather because we want to have a marriage. We want to show our families and especially our children that we are solid and will always be there as one unit to help and support them and each other in this life and hopefully the next. When I marry Jimmy, I'll be saying I Do to love, laughter and memories but I am totally wide eyed and aware that I am also saying I Do to struggle, heartache, dissapointment and a smorgasboard of obstacles. But I say this....we all face these in our lives but marriage gives us the blessing of having someone to help you or celebrate with you depending on what life throws at you. I know that in marriage I am welcoming his love and support but I'm also making a vow to make myself deserving of that love always, and I'm making the promise that at times I will make sacrifices in support of him and our family. I could go on forever about this I'm sure but let me sum up with this, I don't want my wedding to be really perfect, I just want it to be real. My vows will not be coming with fine print for a quick out. Marriage isn't easy but life isn't either.I'm not heading into this thinking that I'm going to enjoy every second, but I guarantee that in between our struggles there will be moments and memories that will remind me why we're in this life together and when we reach the end of our days its those moments and memories that will validate who we are and how we've spent our lives. In marrying my best friend and loving him exactly as he is, my plan is this.... When time passes and one of us finally says good-bye to this world, our parting words will be I love you.....and Thank-you.
Jeannine
Okay, in my limited experience as a married person I have to agree that our elders hold the answers. They have lived through the good and bad and they would know best. Even parents who have divorced would have valuable knowledge.
This is what I know. I thought alot about what you said and I asked myself why it works for me. I keep going back to one thing that seems to answer everything:
Why do I like my husband?
- HE makes me laugh
- He thinks I am beautiful when I feel like I am at my most unattractive...and tells me how beautiful I am!!
-HE loves my family (this is a BIG ONE!!!) He has to love them since this is how I became me
- HE loves kids (important for me)
- When we argue there is no name calling or putting the other one down. Even when he is wrong (which is always LOL).
- HE respects me and my decisions
- HE listens to me
- HE accepts my weirdness (and GOD knows I am weird)
- HE can be in a crowd with all of his friends and tell everyone he is the luckiest man alive even when there are drop dead beautiful girls around
- He enjoys my company
- He will show me every day that he loves me; even if its just a peck on the cheek(viseversa)
- WE ARE FRIENDS
I think if you don't have some or all these things you can't make a marriage work.
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